Do you feel comfortable saying “No” or do you need some practice? Once you begin to reflect about your life and your current experiences, do you question what you are doing and why? How long are you dedicating to a particular task that most probably is not aligned with your inner priorities or intentions but feels familiar and normal because you have been doing it for a really …long… time?

Placing other people’s needs and wants ahead of your own is a learned behavior. Sometimes it is coping mechanism to avoid confrontation, prevent feelings of rejection and ultimately prevent exclusion from a group or protect your reputation to being seen as a diva or difficult to get along with others. 

In childhood you were taught to obey your elders, parents and teachers, and perhaps people-pleasing became natural and carried through to your current circumstances. This leads to feelings of resentment, regret and reactive outbursts in adulthood. 

Start today to let go of the things that no longer serve you. I think you already know what those are, and listing examples here is unnecessary. You know what to do.

If saying ‘No’ is super uncomfortable, begin using phrases that develop your boundaries in a compassionate way such as:

·    “Thank you for the invitation but I will not be able to attend”.

·    “I have a packed schedule this week/month and can’t take on anymore. I will let you know once I have availability. Thank you for understanding”.

·    “I will respond to you in a couple of days, I am dealing with an important assignment and need more time to get back to you”.

Check out the book ‘Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself’ by licensed counselor Nedra Glover Tawwab for more ideas!